Chapter Excerpts 1 & 2
The Car Chase
Now at the time, response action is all that motivated me. In hind sight here in Doggie Heaven, I can tell you that it woulda’ been the greatest accomplishment in dog history to “catch” that car. If a dog successfully “caught” a car, a feeling of motivated self-awareness and pride may momentarily overcome him. He would be fearless in all future pursuits. Lack of fear dangerously means that he most likely would soon find his fate under the skidding wheels of a Greyhound bus. That’s why dogs really shouldn’t feel these things until we’re supervised by God.
Anyway, I thought my time had come. I believed I was going to bring down that heartless, cold-blooded, ear bludgeoning camero. I lunged as if a mountain lion had my Master in a death grip and I was going to savagely, fearlessly be the hero. It was destiny, a place in dog lore where all creatures, man and beast, would honor my statute. One fire hydrant in each city would be bronzed in recognition. On this day every year dog wardens would be required to take a national holiday and every dog would have a once a year shot to run free and aspire to my greatness.
My lunge was clean and in stride. I had perfect balance as I set on my front paws allowing my hind legs to coil and spring with even distribution of power to each leg. I was airborne. It was slow motion. Poetry in motion. Fate. Destiny. Every dog in America unknowingly gave pause..."
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Dallas Reasons His Enlightenment
" Earthly dogs have no idea. And not just about Doggie Heaven but about anything. Why we roam and sniff and crap and wait. Why we’re whimsical, vicious, vain and needing. Why we sleep with one ear open to the outside world awaiting the creak of the door when Master comes home. All the while locked in the kitchen, with the nose of a dog mind you. Perpetually hungry and debating with blank reason whether to rip open the garbage for a few licks of baby jar pudding scraps. For unimportant creatures like a lion or an alligator there’s probably no need for this enlightenment. They’d likely eat Master when the door opened and be on their merry way. Nothing is withheld from them- what is, is what is. But dogs for the most part walk hand in hand with Master and are driven with a curiosity that would most definitely kill a cat. I believe that gives us special privilege to receive an explanation of our earthly behavior in the eyes of God.
I have no connection to Master’s Heaven but I would guess that it’s much like he expected. A state of grace, a fountain of knowledge and peace of mind. Master had preconceived ideas about Heaven and he could explore that and other reasons of his earthly existence while he was alive. He was curious of his existence, realized it and explored it. Dogs were curious, didn’t realize it- explored anyway. I can’t imagine why such a single purposed creature like an alligator would be curious. Assumably that’s why there’s no gator heaven. As best that’s been revealed even cats don’t get this privilege. Although I do believe they serve some function in Doggie Hell. But again, we dogs had no idea of afterlife possibilities. Now that revelations have been streaming at me for some time, there are some things I’m hoping by sheer dogmatic will I can get you to realize."
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"Master’s Heaven I’m sure is full of inner peace and contentment. It’s becoming rapidly evident that Doggie Heaven is a bit more territorial when it comes to earthly legacy. Common sense would dictate that this is expected. I live a whole life with no known purpose and little self evidence. I review that life only to realize now what I meant to a boy and a time. I and my doggie “partners in crime” represent something- a closure of the best of times. As I understand it, the last boy/dog era where real life existed outside in open space. You didn’t walk your dog, you chased him. If you were on a bike your dog did the chasing. Your dog was in the top 5 best friends you hung out with around town. This meant something, it has significance. So if my replacements are getting kudos for good behavior and representing a bit of discipline that maybe I found slightly confining, you could understand that even in my heavenly state I would have some issues with this."
Mark His Words
"Just look out the window, that big bay window. The shades of green in the trees are a bit duller, the bark is dingier. Can someone actually verify they witnessed a damn water balloon fight or a gang of kids on bikes. Nobody’s kicking cans or playing with cap guns or collecting lightning bugs.
We’ve gone from reality play to virtual reality play. I don’t get it, why do we need virtual reality when we already have reality. Cap guns don’t have bullets and virtual reality guns don’t have real bullets. Wouldn’t you rather pretend shoot your pain in the ass brother than pretend kill some digital cyborg terrorist commando who really has never bothered you at all. And may I finally say, in the past years since I left did any significant go lucky, life affirming, adulthood grooming, lost in the summer day event happen in the presence of an unleashed dog? Mark my word and mark my time, I, Dallas, can not be replaced!"
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